


It's Getting Bad Again

by DemonBanisher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Sirius Black is a Good Boyfriend, Soft wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonBanisher/pseuds/DemonBanisher
Summary: Remus' anxiety and depression is starting to worsen. Luckily, his lovely boyfriend is just down the hall to help him out.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 125





	It's Getting Bad Again

**Author's Note:**

> An entirely self indulgent fic that was written at 1am to make me feel better ✌🏻

Remus sat at his desk. His laptop was propped open in front of him playing a film, his sketchbook lay open, and a cup at tea was sitting at its side. He should have felt comfortable, calm, at peace, but instead he was rattled and unfocused. He toyed anxiously with the black ring he wore around his middle finger hoping it would calm him down but he was too far gone for this tactile reassurance. He sighed and breathed in deeply. 1…2…3… and out 2… 3…

He dug the palms of his hands into his eyes and tried not to get angry, but it was hard. Hard to not be mad at the demon that was constantly looming over his shoulder. Especially now, when he had no reason to be feeling this way. 

He chewed on his lip and bounced his leg up and down, almost as if he jittered enough, he’d be able to shake this all out of him. He wanted to call his parents. Wanted to beg them to consider medication. He knew some magic pill wasn’t always the answer, but god, anything has to be better than feeling like this. 

Remus swiped his fingers over his mousepad to check the time left on the film without really registering what it was before he turned back to check his phone. The notifications were piling up again and worse: the apathy about responding. How could all this anxiety build up in him and yet his depression made him not care about answering his friends’ texts? It was almost like they were taking shifts, dividing up who got to have which parts of him each day and Remus was tired of being their toy to play with.

He chewed on his lip and his leg bounced even faster, god, his downstairs neighbours must hate him, as he opened his conversation with Sirius and closed it multiple times. Sirius was his boyfriend and his friend for years before that. He should know by now that Sirius would be there for him, is there for him, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d be bothering him. He’d learned too early from his family that this was a part of him that he had to hide, and it was something he’d never been able to shake. 

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in and out against before setting his fingers to the screen. 

\- Can you come over?

The second he sent it regret and relief both washed over him. He picked the phone up again. He typed out another message. He knew he shouldn’t send it. Sirius hated the way he constantly apologized, and his therapist was trying to get him to move beyond it. But he had asked for help. Wasn’t that step enough for today? He decided it needed to be and hit send.

\- Only if you aren’t busy, sorry don’t mean to be a bug

It was silly. Sirius could be asleep or at the library He couldn’t expect him to be there magically at the drop of a hat. Yet, he still couldn’t shake the desire and hope that he would respond. As much as he wanted to be alone in this pain, he also didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t stand being a burden, but when it got like this the pain was almost too much to bear. It was as if he needed someone in the room with him to remind him that the air was still there.

Remus’ phone lit up in front of him. 

\- Omw

Remus had barely read the message before there was a gentle knock at the door and it cracked open to reveal Sirius. He must have been home then. Perks of having him right down the hall. 

“You wanted to see me?” Sirius asked as he stepped into the room and toed the door shut behind him.

Remus snorted weakly. “Please don’t make it sound like I’m your teacher.”

“Would you like that?” Sirius replied, raising one eyebrow cheekily. 

Remus clenched his jaw. He wished he could give Sirius the witty, flirty response he deserves. He wished he could give him more than he was. More than this mess. 

Sirius sensed Remus' tension and promptly sat down criss cross applesauce in front of his chair and reached to take his hands. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure I’m not bugging you? If I am, it’s totally okay, I can let you go-“

“Remus.” Sirius interrupted him. Remus could feel him looking at him sternly but couldn’t quite meet his gaze yet. 

“It’s getting bad again,” he let out a sad hiccupy laugh. “God, you think I’d have this figured out by now. Not be so surprised every time it starts to go to shit again.”

“Anxiety? Or both?” Sirius asked. 

“Well, a bit of both because everything has gone kinda fuzzy again. But I just almost had a panic attack trying to watch a movie.” He sighed. “You know, I was so excited to finally have time to do this and I finished all my homework and had this one window of time where-“

“Babe,” Sirius said running his fingers gently over Remus’ knuckles. “You’re spiralling.”

“Sorry.”

“No more sorrys. You can’t control your brain. Unless you hurt me or anyone else you aren’t allowed to apologize, okay?”

Remus nodded. 

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know.” Remus said tugging his hands out of Sirius’ to rub his face again. “I need it all to go away. I wish it would stop hurting.” Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus cut him off. “I know, negative thinking, I need to accept my illness.”

Sirius opened his mouth again but paused for a moment before getting to his feet and pulling Remus to sit on the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Remus asked. 

“You aren’t going to hurt yourself, are you?” Sirius asked him and Remus couldn’t lie that he loved the way he asked it like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

“No.”

“Good,” Sirius said as he stood up to grab Remus’ laptop from his desk. “So, then I think we’re in distract over process territory here. So, we’re watching that movie. I can hold your hands and put my feet over yours to help with the jitters and we can pause or I can catch you up as much as needed, okay?”

Remus wished there were words to describe how much he loved Sirius in this moment, but as his head was currently overwhelmed with a million sirens for problems that didn’t exist, he settled for nodding. And when Sirius sat down next to him, he snuggled in close to take in his warmth, to remind himself that someone was there. Sirius took his cold hands again and rubbed them gently. He crossed his legs on top of Remus’ and pulled a blanket over them before getting the laptop settled. 

“As okay as currently possible?” Sirius asked. 

Remus smiled, remembering how they’d come up with this question when Remus mentioned how much he hated people asking if he was okay when some days with his faulty wiring it was impossible.

He nodded and Sirius pressed a soft kiss into Remus’ forehead and squeezed his hands gently.

“I’m glad you texted me,” he said, and it was the last reassurance Remus needed to wipe any doubt from his head that he did the right thing. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t doubt the next however many times he texted or called him in a moment of need but it did mean he was feeling safer now.

He took another deep breath in and Sirius leaned forward and hit play on the movie.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave your thoughts. Also is criss cross applesauce a thing in other places of the world or just the school I went to as a kid?


End file.
